Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
