false alarm. still invincible.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
