big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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