Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
