Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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