So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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