How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
