so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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