you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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