I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just pee around me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
