i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
