dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
