maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
