Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
