Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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