he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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