I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
