yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
