drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
