Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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