Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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