i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
