you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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