Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
