I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
