Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
