He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
