At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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