Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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