she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
