the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just threw up on my dentist
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
