She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
