i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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