i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
