My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
