Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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