your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw a hot homeless man
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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