she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
