What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
