I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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