I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
