I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
