I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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