Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
