Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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