did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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