my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
