as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
