just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
