Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
