Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
