I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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