My room smells like vodka and shame
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
