we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
